Search

'We all carry inside us, people who came before us' — Liam Callanan

My Great grandparents and grandparents lived during the war and were directly affected by war, were not able to talk about all terrifying experiences… they didn't want to remember it…just to forget.

At all costs, they do not want to remember what happened to them… their children/ parents/neighbours.

Every day, they had to pull themselves up… trauma from yesterday had to stay in yesterday.

Those who survived the war wanted to finally feel safe…they wanted maybe even to forget about those who couldn't be saved.


Just to Forget…

Some of them spent the rest of their lives, hating those who caused the hell in their lives.

Some years in suspension, uncertainty …waited for those who never came back.

Sense of guilt that they did what they did... to survive…, to protect their children/families.


I think …how scary that might have been for all of them…what’s a great life I have.


When the war was over, everyone was glad… full of hope that it will be different.


Everything in life has to be at the right time.

for good and for bad…for beautiful and for difficult …


My parents had other problems, the country was developing, there always was a lot of alcohol, they did the best what they knew and could.

These traumas are still active later in the next generations because there was no time because there was a constant fight for life. There was no space/time to feel the pain…to allow yourself to feel anything.

Now I can look at the war trauma of my ancestors/parents

During the war, any loss of vigilance probably was equal to death.

Only now I can do it and I have space for it…there is enough distance, there is enough safety so… I can afford the luxury of depression.

I could look at them. I can cry and tears start the melting the old traumas...


In my warm, comfortable home…

Now I have the opportunity…

To get sober…

To feel exhaustion, pain…

To ask questions; why I am here, what I want…

To learn about myself...

To listen to myself…

To lose vigilance…

To just be.


For all this, I am thankful and honour those who paid the highest price, victims and oppressors (who were victims at some stage in their lives) those women (strong women who managed without men or with men …wounded men, often upholding very dysfunctional relationships, there was nothing about them, they had to suppress all their needs.


All of them… I come from and there could never be me without them.

I take all …good/ bad from them…

I am going forward towards myself and my life… with all of them in my heart.



10 views

© 2019 by Gosia Miernik, proudly created with Wix.com